★ Monday, March 9, 2009 ★ @ 12:47 PM
Would you be there.?
hi, friends. i changed my bloglink. due to some personal reasons & some stupid reasons. i dont know what now. but i just know, in fact that's so many kiddos in this world. yahs. the BOLIAOs people who tag on my tagboard, he think that im stupid. i saw his IP add. & indeed, my 6th sense wasnt right. i know who is him. just wasting his time here only.
& i change my bloglink to
footprints-ofmylife.bs.com as i think its really the footprints in my life which i would like to share with my friends or unknown visitors. everyone walk through different things in life. ups & downs. it came with so many reasons. to me, i just think that its God's will. its a test in everyone life. will you pass it or fail it? it all depends on how you choose the path. & here's my last post to talk about him, or should i say, the very last word for us.
we have been through ups & downs. 3yrs ago, we get to know each other, then lost contact. after 1yr of lost contact, we met again. through his brother. if i never forget is because i wanted to buy handphone from the brother. when meet, he was there. so we met again. we began together like noraml couples. & he's the first, to give me a little hope. but the hope & love wasnt last. i moved to stay with him then, & we both was busy with his shop & stuffs. communications break down soon. due to parents & outsiders. maybe he still haven't settle down. he broke my heart, he allows his mummy & the MAN to take away my very first precious. my tears rolling down everyday. the very first precious i've got from god. it vanished away when i only can feel its little heartbeat pumping there. they can so cruel. just because of one reason, his mummy say that my very first precious was a crush to her mummy's 8 ZHI. not good. & we cant married. & i was so foolish, i left my wallet & i/c without secure, & allows his mummy to took it & booked the cruel operation(abortion) for me.
& that's how i left with no choice. first little precious left me. 30th May 2007,12.20pm. after this incident, i moved out. not on my own will. but his mummy & the MAN telling me stories & stuff. so i left him, i left his house without any goodbye said to him.
after leaving him, i went home. my life, at start was hard, & i tear everynight. it took me months to totally forgets him, forgets everything. i kept myself busy. busy with my modelling event. busy with my nightlife job. busy with friends. & soon, i used a guy, i used his time, 1yr & 1months time. to forgets him. & i think i was too much. (*but the guy knew that my heart wasnt there. yet he dont mind..)
after 1yr 1months' time, he came back to my life one fine day. he steps into my life again. he asked me for patch. he told me many things. & my heart, again softed for him. i dont know is it because i too love him or what. i went back to him again. & then our 2nd little precious came into our life. i thought, its a dream. he treated me very good at first, he went in to DB after that. i waited. i didnt gave up. 20days of waiting, i missed him badly. its hard for me at first. because during the 1st trimster of pregnancy will easily get affected. but still, i got myself a job, i worked. & as time passes, i dont really feel alone.
& there, the nightmare came. after his release in DB. he changed. changed totally. to another him. we have quarrels almost everyday. times he was good, but times he was scary too. we fight too. even when im pregnant. he scold me whatever he likes. mostly in public, in work, i gave in so much. & will always apologised to him that its my fault. even if he outside flirting around, playing around, fooling about, i put all the faults & blames on myself. i cried, i hurt my precious times. i cant hold on to my anger. even at work. my emotional break downs.(*PS, i dont lies, i have witness.. she knew how i suffer through all this..) i drink alcohol which many says cannot. i seek many helps from my that good friends. sometimes, she even tried to accompany me after our work. listens to my sadness. she's good. (*love her=p) & still remembered. i even quarrel with my parents, scolded them badly because of being with him. i dont trust my parents words. i gave up my family all because of him. & i think he didnt appreciate it at all.
after so much, quarrels & stuffs, he always the one choosing to leave me. always the one saying break up. & to him, its like nothing at all. to me, times & times of beg, its like i already throw away all my pride. jus beg him like hell, & he became very very cruel to me. because of him, i lost my job. i had to sponsor myself to see doctors & go appointments for baby girl. it costs me alot. not afew hundred bucks things, ok! tonics? vitamins? i didnt had any. only my friends, oldman & parents, bought it for me.
the day i choose to put down. & he says okays. so i promise him i will vanish from his life forever. & he dont give a damn. until i met my *oldman. during valentines' day. i dont know why either. to some, they will say, when the new one came, the old one will regret. i think his this type of people bahs. & really. even recently. he msged me many things. told me many things. i dont know why. but it seems like nothing to me at all. because, the scar on my wrist, the hurt i've been through, the tears i've cried, it all became numbness. yes, i cried. but not because i love him. is because i think everything came too late. really. he told me that he cant live without me & stuff. i felt that its really too late. the love i had for him, have really gone away..
& this is how i put down my past & walked ahead. im not the past me anymore. i learn to be strong. thanks to friends who supports me. thanks to my parents who encourage me so much & give me hopes. especially my mummy. i've hurt her, broke her heart because of him, i even scolded my parents because of him, yet till now, my mummy didnt give up hopes on me. & i hope this time round, what i chose was right. & not regret. i believe, i can live well without him. baby girl & me will be strong. really. i gave up this marriage totally now, not because i changed my heart fast. its because, seriously, Oldman did more than him. i knew Oldman not long, yet he can show me the care & love i've lost,(*even if we are just friends now.) he never fail to cheer me up & give me surprise. to some single mummies, some might think its hard to get into new relationship when you already others' parent. but to some, they told me not to give up hope, as time isnt here yet, but they believe one day i might know my Mr Right. yes, not saying i dont trust love or rather should i say i gave up on love totally. but, it really all thanks to the Oldman. he let me realised every single things. everything sweet things & little surprise. & now my life changed. i became independents. not only to thank Oldman, but my friends too. they hold me up again, & lead me to this beautiful world which consists of LOVE. im happy now. seriously. just counting downs my days to my delivery date. its getting nearer & nearer. & since i put down the past & now, i shall look ahead to do things which need me to do. i've so many things left undone. after my confinement, i need to carry on. carry on with my happy life with my girl. & i believe, God will not leave me alone after so much things happen to me.
being a single parent wasnt easy at all. but i believe, if i dont give up, im able to give m girl everything she needs. & i promise to be a good mummy. i wont let her down.
as for him, i only can say, when you choose to leave me that day, when you choose to give up our marriage that day, i already gave up hope on you. i did what i can to let everything stay. but is you the one keep smashing my hopes away. im tired. i need to walk ahead with my new life now. the footprints left behind shall be our beautiful memories. but our story will never be continue again. because i dont wished my life to be repeated times & times. it hurts me. & its hard for me too. like you say :
i think we really dont suits each other, its time for us to says goodbye. since you dont know how to cherish what i've done for you once. its all over. i have no more tears for you. but i thank you for the fated gift, my baby girl. she'll be loved.PS. & now, let time proves everything. & prove that i will be happy always after so much of happening things happened. & i hope, OldMan will never fail to do what he promised =)爱到尽头覆水难收
爱悠悠恨幽幽
为何要到无法挽留
才能想起你的温柔
给我关怀为我解忧
为我平添许多愁
在深夜无尽的等候
独自泪流
独自忍受
多想说声我真的爱你
多想说声对不起你
你哭着说情缘已尽
难再续
难再续
就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走
就请你给我多一点点空间
再多一点点温柔
不要让我独自难受
你这样一个女人
让我欢喜让我忧
让我甘心为了你
付出我所有
爱到尽头覆水难收
爱悠悠恨幽幽
为何要到无法挽留
才能想起你的温柔
给我关怀为我解忧
为我平添许多愁
在深夜无尽的等候
独自泪流
独自忍受
多想说声我真的爱你
多想说声对不起你
你哭着说情缘已尽
难再续
难再续
就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走
就请你给我多一点点空间
再多一点点温柔
不要让我独自难受
就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走
就请你给我多一点点空间
再多一点点温柔
不要让我独自难受
你这样一个女人
让我欢喜让我忧
让我甘心为了你
付出我所有
Find a j0b
Him *LSAN
Ah
Xing.
Angelia.
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